I am having a bit of a meltdown. This reflection is possibly going to turn into a bit of a rant, but I have to get it off my chest. I have been trying to read and understand Barthes, and relate it to other projects and I just do not understand it. Well, I do, but I don’t think I am capable of writing it down to show that I understand it in a way that is suitable for a degree course. Looking at other people’s blogs I am not presenting my research and exercise work in a way which is (to my mind) in depth enough and I don’t know if I am capable of producing work that is good enough. I have a saying, Only compare yourself to the photographer you used to be, and I am trying hard to do that. I can see that I have improved and I know that I am looking at things in a completely different way, absorbing information and trying to assimilate all this new information heading my way.
Why can’t theorists write in simple language? Do they think that they can baffle us with big words that we have to look up before we can continue reading?
I have read ahead on the course notes and have so many ideas whirling around in my head, but I know I should work my way through the exercises and research in order to build the stepping stones to a more successful assignment piece of work.
I have been working hard to complete Assignment 1 and get that in to my tutor (only a week later than I said I would) and I have set myself a goal to get Assignment 2 in by the end of Feb/ mid March, Assignment 3 by the end of May, Assignment 4 by the end of July and 5 by the end of September, apply for March Assessment and get the final unit of this level registered for and started in September 2018. All because I drifted for 2 years while doing Expressing Your Vision I have put myself under a ridiculous amount of pressure while trying to cope with medical appointments, pain and a husband who wants to go travelling. Having said that, I am looking forward to a trip to New York and hopefully getting to the Museum of Modern Art while we are there!
I think I am tired and it isn’t sinking in, so I am going to leave it for now and perhaps come back to it with a fresh mind in a day or so. I need to get out, walk the dogs and just take some images for my own soul, rather than create the work that I have whirling in my head.