Personal Reflection – Imposter Syndrome

imposter-syndrome-2-300x252

I am having a bit of a meltdown. This reflection is possibly going to turn into a bit of a rant, but I have to get it off my chest.  I have been trying to read and understand Barthes, and relate it to other projects and I just do not understand it. Well, I do, but I don’t think I am capable of writing it down to show that I understand it in a way that is suitable for a degree course. Looking at other people’s blogs I am not presenting my research and exercise work in a way which is (to my mind) in depth enough and I don’t know if I am capable of producing work that is good enough. I have a saying, Only compare yourself to the photographer you used to be, and I am trying hard to do that. I can see that I have improved and I know that I am looking at things in a completely different way, absorbing information and trying to assimilate all this new information heading my way.

Why can’t theorists write in simple language? Do they think that they can baffle us with big words that we have to look up before we can continue reading?

I have read ahead on the course notes and have so many ideas whirling around in my head, but I know I should work my way through the exercises and research in order to build the stepping stones to a more successful assignment piece of work.

I have been working hard to complete Assignment 1 and get that in to my tutor (only a week later than I said I would) and I have set myself a goal to get Assignment 2 in by the end of Feb/ mid March, Assignment 3 by the end of May, Assignment 4 by the end of July and 5 by the end of September,  apply for March Assessment and get the final unit of this level registered for and started in September 2018. All because I drifted for 2 years while doing Expressing Your Vision I have put myself under a ridiculous amount of pressure while trying to cope with medical appointments, pain and a husband who wants to go travelling. Having said that, I am looking forward to a trip to New York and hopefully getting to the Museum of Modern Art while we are there!

I think I am tired and it isn’t sinking in, so I am going to leave it for now and perhaps come back to it with a fresh mind in a day or so. I need to get out, walk the dogs and just take some images for my own soul, rather than create the work that I have whirling in my head.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Personal Reflection – Imposter Syndrome

  1. I know exactly what you mean, but at least I feel a bit less of an imposter every day 🙂 Barthes doesn’t bother me too much, it is heavy reading, but so is my tax return and rather less rewarding. That said I’ve only read Camera Lucida so far. Have a look at the Reading Group hangouts, they are a good way to dip your toe in some other readings but in a supported environment. The next one is in early March.

    Your list of exhibitions is very inspiring, the cross dressing one looks like it’s at a good time for anyone looking at A3 selfportrait or other identity themed assignments. Thanks for posting that! And congratulations on finishing A1, I think we are at a similar pace on C&N, I am just wrapping up A2 and aim to have the course finished by July/August.

    Like

      • It could do, it will have to be later in the year though, I have just crocked my knee (4 hours in casualty this afternoon, and crutches!) and we are off to Tenerife in late March and Canada and New York in April. Ridiculous I know. I cannot possibly manage London at the moment with my knee, can I keep you posted on it? If you need to go earlier then don’t wait for me!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s